


All That is Really Worth the Doing (Is What We Do for Others)

by Diaryofanarcissisticgayman



Series: Through the Looking Glass (I See You Staring Back at Me) [4]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Down the rabbit hole, Drinking & Talking, Kid Fic, M/M, This is pre-CGBtY, This one is from Harry's PoV, starts with fluff, then ends on a little bit of fluff, turns into angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 10:54:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8976787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diaryofanarcissisticgayman/pseuds/Diaryofanarcissisticgayman
Summary: Noah's fourth Christmas, as told from Harry's perspective.





	

Niall’s gonna hate him. He’s going to hate both of them. Harry is fully aware of that fact, because Niall really doesn’t get enough sleep. But that doesn’t stop him from lifting Noah up onto the mattress, holding a finger to his lips to quiet the four-year-old’s laughter. It’s Christmas morning, after all, and Niall should know better than to try and sleep in today.

Harry climbs up onto the mattress after Noah gets ready, crouches down, and-

That’s when Niall springs up, making Noah shriek as he grabs the boy’s hips with a roar that startles Harry so badly that he falls backwards onto the floor with a loud squawk.

And Harry knows he deserves it for trying to scare Niall awake, but that doesn’t stop him from glaring when Niall and Noah peek over the edge of the bed, giggling.

“You weren’t as subtle getting out of the bed as you thought.” Niall smirks, resting his chin in his hand. “I may be a genius, but it doesn’t take one to know what you were planning. Try pulling anything like that again, and nobody is cumming down your chimney any time soon.”

“Daddy!” Noah gasps. “Is Santa gonna be mad at me? You din’t say Santa would be mad at me!”

“Daddy is the one Santa will be mad at, Noh-Noh.” Niall chuckles, ruffling Noah’s hair. “It was his evil plot, not yours. But if daddy is really nice, and gives me a kiss and an apology, I’ll tell Santa not to be mad at him.”

“You’re not playing fair.” Harry snorts, pushing himself up until he’s sitting close enough to peck Niall on the lips.

“All is fair in love and war, Haz, and you made this into both.” Niall grins. “I do believe you owe me an apology, as well. Remember, Santa will be mad if you don’t.”

“Daddy!” Noah whines. “You have to! You can’t make Santa mad on Chris-mas!”

“I’m sorry.” Harry says flatly.

“Good.” Niall hums. “Now, let’s go make breakfast so we can get to the good stuff.”

“Presents!” Noah squeals, crawling onto his knees and then jumping off of the bed to land in Harry’s arms.

 

“Do you have to do that right now?” Harry sighs. “I thought we agreed that you wouldn’t work today?”

“Just checking my emails.” Niall mumbles, taking a sip of coffee and scanning his eyes over something on his tablet. “Have to make sure those bumbling interns I’m teaching haven’t killed any of my patients.”

“Niall!” Harry hisses, indicating towards Noah with his eyes when the blond looks up at him.

“Are your in-tuns gonna hurt somebody, papa?” Noah asks with wide eyes.

“No, they aren’t, Noh-Noh.” Niall says with a soft smile, clicking his tablet off and setting it on the table. “They happen to have had a very good teacher, and Uncle Zee is keeping an eye on them today to make sure they behave.”

“Why isn’t unca Zee home with unca Leem?” Noah asks.

“Because uncle Zee doesn’t celebrate Christmas.” Niall explains. “He celebrates different holidays than we do.”

“Why?” Noah questions, making Harry snort into his hand, because Harry has literally spent hours playing this game with Noah before. Niall has no idea what he’s in for.

“Because they’re the ones his family celebrates.” Niall says gently.

“Why?” Noah repeats.

“You know-” Harry hums, deciding to take pity on his poor husband. “I’m sure papa could explain it all to you, Noh-Noh. But wouldn’t you rather let him finish his brekkie so we can go open presents?”

“You’re a lifesaver.” Niall chuckles, leaning over to press a kiss to Harry’s cheek once Noah nods fervently and begins scarfing down his own breakfast.

“It comes with a price.” Harry smirks, reaching over and tapping on the screen of Niall’s tablet. “If I see you on this again before every present is opened, I’m going to break it over my knee.”

“But-” Niall starts.

“No ‘buts’.” Harry says sternly. “Your patients can wait, Niall. This is family time. You need to be here for it. Not just your body, but your mind as well.”

“Alright.” Niall says softly, nodding his agreement as he closes the cover on his tablet. “I’m right here.”

 

“We’re going to be picking up wrapping paper for days.” Niall sighs, leaning against the doorframe and surveying the chaos of the living room. “Does he have to shred it like that?”

“He hasn’t got the dexterity for anything else.” Harry chuckles, walking up behind Niall and resting his chin on the blond’s shoulder. His arms wrap around his husband’s waist, and he adds, “And it doesn’t help that we spoiled him rotten this year.”

“You didn’t help either.” Niall snorts. “You were as bad as he was. It was practically confetti the way you were throwing it around.”

“I was excited.” Harry hums. “It’s always so long between our anniversary and Christmas. I have to wait seven months to get presents from you.”

“Then I guess I’m going to have to buy you gifts every month just to keep my living room from looking like a warzone.” Niall sighs. “I guess we should get to cleaning. Gemma and Oli will be here soon, and we don’t want the place looking like this when they get here.”

“We’ve got a bit.” Harry murmurs, kissing at Niall’s neck. “The food is cooking, and Noah is playing with his presents, and Gemma and Oli won’t be here for a while.”

“And I suppose you have something in mind for using up that time.” Niall says with a roll of his eyes that Harry catches out of the corner of his own.

“Don’t I always?” Harry smirks into Niall’s skin. He kisses a quick trail up Niall’s neck to his ear, taking the lobe between his teeth and asking, “You still have lube hidden around the house?”

“Of course.” Niall says breathlessly. “Who do you think you married, Haz? I’m nothing if not always prepared.”

“Your office is the closest room with a door.” Harry tells him, sneaking a hand down to the button of Niall’s jeans. “Got any in there?”

“Pretty sure I do, yeah.” Niall nods.

“Good.” Harry grins. “I’ve always wanted you to bend me over that desk and-”

“Papa!” comes a shrieking cry from behind them that cuts Harry off. “Papa! He hurt!”

“Shit!” Niall hisses, buttoning his trousers after Harry moves away from him. He whirls around with wide eyes, asking, “Who’s hurt?”

“Batman!” Noah wails, reaching the bottom of the steps and holding up the doll he’d opened only hours ago. “You gotta help Batman, papa!”

“Jesus.” Niall breathes out in relief, crouching down to meet Noah when the boy runs up to him. “Noah-”

“You gotta help him.” Noah sniffles, wiping at his face with the hand that isn’t holding his toy balled into a fist. “His head came off.”

“Noah, I can-” Harry starts.

“No.” Noah cuts him off. “Papa is the doctuh, daddy. You’re just a daddy.”

And – Wow – That’s a bit of a slap to the face.

“He’s more than that, Noh-Noh.” Niall says gently. “I’ll prove it. Daddy is going to help me save Batman. Watch.”

He takes the doll from Noah, standing up and patting Harry on the cheek as he asks, “Coming to assist in the procedure, Haz?”

“Well, since you asked-” Harry snorts. “I guess I can help, doctor.”

“Good.” Niall smirks. “I do love a sexy nurse.”

“Watch it.” Harry growls, narrowing his eyes. “Or I’ll think you’re up to more in that hospital than just saving lives. I’ll start having Grey’s Anatomy level fantasies about that place, and then I’ll chain you to the bed to keep you from going back.”

“You’re an idiot.” Niall scoffs, pressing a kiss to Harry’s cheek. “Why would I ever want anyone else when I have you?”

“You’ve always liked athletes.” Harry points out. “I am no athlete. And I’m not as tall as those ruggers you always drool over.”

“You’re not terrible to look at, though.” Niall grins. “And you’re not terrible in bed, either.”

“Papa!” Noah whines impatiently, tugging on the hem of Niall’s jumper. “Batman!”

“You’re lucky he’s too distracted to pay attention to the things you say.” Harry huffs, taking batman’s head from Noah and holding it up. “Are you ready for the reattachment, doctor?”

“I am.” Niall chuckles, nodding for show. “Careful now. This has to go just right.”

“I know.” Harry giggles, pressing the head down at the same time Niall pushes the neck up into it, allowing the ball joint to reconnect. “Well, was it a success, doctor?”

“He’s good as new.” Niall hums, leaving out the obligatory ‘because he is new’ that Harry knows died on the tip of his tongue for Noah’s sake. “But you need to be real careful with him, Noh-Noh. Even heroes can break under the right circumstances.”

“I will.” Noah nods fervently, taking Batman gently, like a newborn. “I won’t let anyone hurt him. And you be safe too, papa. You’re a hero too.”

“Nah, just a doctor, bubba.” Niall says quietly.

“He’s not wrong you know.” Harry murmurs when Noah runs off.

“About what?” Niall questions, standing back up to his full height with a groan when his knee pops. “That I need to be careful? It just gets a bit stiff when it starts getting cold. You know that. Crouching so much doesn’t help either. It’s a shame he didn’t get your height.”

“He’s four.” Harry scoffs. “I wasn’t this tall at four.”

“He’s short for his age, though.” Niall chuckles. “It’s a thing with preemies. They’re almost always short.”

“I’m not talking about his height or your knee, Niall.” Harry sighs, gripping his husband’s hips and pulling him in close. “I’m talking about the other thing he said.”

“Oh, don’t you start.” Niall scoffs, rolling his eyes hard. “I’m not a hero.”

“You are.” Harry says gently, nosing at Niall’s cheek. “You’re my hero, and you’re his. You’re a hero to your patients. Don’t dismiss that.”

“I just don’t see myself that way.” Niall mumbles.

“I’m not asking you to.” Harry tells him, pressing a light kiss to Niall’s lips. “Just don’t say dumb things like ‘I’m not a hero.’”

 

“You have got to be fucking kidding me.” Harry growls, his hands clenching into fists as he finds Niall in the foyer, shrugging on his jacket. 

And that’s it. The spell that Christmas put Harry under ends abruptly, like hitting a wall in a speeding car. All of the little problems and unspoken arguments and dismissed feelings between them come back like a bolt of lightning hitting Harry in the chest. It makes his heart ache and pound with anger at the same time.

“I was going to tell you.” Niall sighs, closing the closet door. “I wasn’t going to just leave. I was going to go out and start the car to warm it up, then come back in and tell you.”

“You’re not going in.” Harry grits out. “You promised me, Niall.”

“Turn on the news, Haz.” Niall says gently. “A section of tunnel collapsed near Bethnal Green. Dozens of people were hurt. They called me, and-”

“I don’t care.” Harry spits out. “I don’t, Niall. Today is your day off. Not your day on-call, but your day fucking off. It is Christmas. You promised this to me months ago when you barely made it on time for Noah’s fucking birthday party, and you are not leaving.”

“I have to go, Haz.” Niall whispers, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I know you’re mad, but-”

“It’s not about me.” Harry scoffs, cutting Niall off again. “It’s about our son. It’s about Noah. It’s about the fact that he gave me this to mail to Santa, and I never thought I’d have to show it to you, because, like an idiot, I thought you’d actually stay with your family for one fucking day.”

He pulls his wallet out of his back pocket, carefully unfolding the letter that he helped their son write, saying that the only thing he wants for Christmas is for their family to spend it together.

“You were his present this year, Niall.” Harry snarls, shoving the paper into his husband’s hands. “You were the only thing that he wanted. Every other kid in his playgroup was asking for a tablet or a pony or a mobile, but Noah- He just wanted to spend today with the two of us like a family. At this point, I’m not even surprised enough to get angry for myself that you’re running off. But this- This will break his heart, Niall. Don’t do this. Please, don’t go.”

“I have to.” Niall breathes out, folding the letter up and putting it carefully in his pocket before he walks out the front door with his keys in hand, muttering, “Tell everyone I’m sorry.”

“I’ll send you the responses in an email.” Harry scoffs. “It’s the only way you’d pay attention to them.”

Niall stops for a moment, but he doesn’t look back or say anything before he starts back up walking to the car, and Harry closes the door.

He storms back into the kitchen, blowing straight past Gemma and heading for the wine fridge.

“Oh god.” Gemma sighs. “Noah, baby, why don’t you take Oli upstairs and show him all the things you got for Christmas.”

“Okay.” Noah says quietly, and Harry knows right then that he overheard them arguing. He knows that Noah knows that Niall left without having to ask. He knows, because he’s had to have that conversation too many times already.

“Another fight?” Gemma asks, grabbing two glasses from the cupboard while Harry scans through the bottles for the highest proof one he can find.

“We don’t even fight anymore.” Harry mutters, grabbing a bottle that says it’s forty-proof and slamming the door to the fridge. “I fight. He just- He just walks away. He doesn’t care enough to fight. I fucking wish he would fight, because then I might actually know what’s going on in his head.”

“Everyone goes through rough patches.” Gemma says gently, taking the bottle from Harry and putting it in the automatic de-corker. “That’s all this is, bug. It’s a rough patch. It’s hard right now, but you two will get past it.”

“It feels less and less like we will every day.” Harry admits, holding out his glass for Gemma to fill. “Today was the first day he’s actually not had himself on call or been working in months. Months, Gems. Literally, since October, we haven’t had one full day where he didn’t end up at the hospital. Last week, I didn’t see him for three days, because he was working double-shifts and just decided to sleep in the on-call rooms.”

“Have you told him how much it bothers you?” Gemma asks, guiding Harry by the arm until they’re sitting at the counter.

“I’ve tried.” Harry says, shaking his head. “He doesn’t listen. I told him last week that I wanted to try couple’s counseling, and he said that he doesn’t have time for that.”

“Jesus.” Gemma sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“He doesn’t have an hour a week for me anymore, Gemma.” Harry whispers before draining his glass in a single go. “And I could deal with that. I could. I know I put him through hell when I was the Cat. The things I did- The things Nick did to him- I know he deserved better. I know that missing him while he’s out saving lives is the least I can do after that. But it’s not just me, now. It’s Noah. It’s our son, who’s asked me every day for a month if his papa was going to be here for Christmas, and who has to ask me the color of Niall’s eyes because he doesn’t see him enough to remember, and who literally hero-worships him.

“Since the second I saw him in that club – Grinding on Luke and laughing with his head thrown back and wearing the lights like they were silk – I knew I was in love with him. I knew. I followed him outside, and I kissed him, and I walked away trying to guess his ring size, because I knew I was going to marry him one day. I knew he was my destiny.”

“Then you know you’re going to work this out.” Gemma says softly, cupping her hand over Harry’s.

“That’s the thing, Gems.” Harry breathes out, dropping his eyes to the table. “I’m pretty sure that it isn’t. I think – I think I’m going to have to leave him.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa-” Gemma says, sounding far too much like their mother for her own good. “Bug, you need to hold up with that. Listen- I know you think I just write a silly little column for desperate losers, but I know what I’m talking about. People jump to that too quickly. 

“Happiness in a relationship isn’t a given. It isn’t a constant that’s just always going to be there. And if you aren’t happy in a relationship, you shouldn’t stay in it. That’s true. But you also can’t just give up and go when things start getting hard. This isn’t just a breakup. This would be a divorce. This would be hell on you, on Niall, and on Noah. This would be custody battles and the splitting of assets and a whole bunch of other things. But, mostly, it would be devastating for your son. I know this from experience. Just- Just keep working at it, and give it a bit more time before you start thinking about that.”

“What do you think I’ve been doing?” Harry asks weakly, biting the inside of his cheek as he squeezes his eyes shut to try and stop the tears building up in them. “It’s not like I want to do it. You think I want to walk away from the love of my life? I hate even thinking about it. But- But I have to think about what’s best for Noah. Maybe Niall will listen, and he’ll come around, but, if he doesn’t, I need to start thinking about what’s best for me and my son.”

“Oh, bug.” Gemma says softly, wrapping her arms around Harry’s shoulders and hauling him into a hug that he falls into without hesitation.

“He’s breaking my heart, Gemma.” Harry sobs.

“Well, Zayn is the cardio-god in training, but I might be able to do something about that.” an all too familiar voice says as the door creaks open, making Harry’s heart skip a beat.

“I thought you left.” Harry mutters, pulling away from Gemma and wiping at his eyes.

“Gems, can you give us a minute?” Niall requests, shedding his jacket and folding it over the back of the chair closest to him.

“Watch it, Horan.” Gemma says firmly, standing up from the table. “It may be Christmas, but that won’t stop me from beating your arse if you make him cry again.”

“It’s Styles.” Niall corrects her.

“You say that like it’s something to be proud of.” Gemma scoffs, walking out the door. “Honestly, he should have taken your name just to separate himself from our family. I need a husband.”

“I never left.” Niall says quietly once they’re alone. “I started up the car, but I couldn’t put my foot on the pedal. I couldn’t go anywhere. So I called Corden and told him that I couldn’t come in yet. We just finally came to an agreement.”

“So you’re staying?” Harry asks, hating himself for sounding so desperate.

“For now.” Niall nods. “It’s going to take another four hours at least for them to dig up the rubble and begin moving patients. I told him that, if they still needed me then, I would come in after we’ve put Noah to bed.”

And it’s not perfect. It’s not him just staying. But it’s a start. It’s a glimmer of hope for Harry to cling to.

So he does.

“Thank you.” Harry breathes out, launching himself out of his chair and into Niall’s arms. He buries his face in Niall’s neck and slurs out, “Thank you, Niall.”

“I love you.” Niall says softly, kissing Harry’s cheek.

“I love you too.” Harry whispers. “I love you so much, Niall.”

So much that he can barely stand it.


End file.
